I learnt two very important lessons in the last 500 days of my life. I've learnt to never, ever change any part of myself in the littlest way for anyone.

If someone has to love me, they will have to love me for me, for the person I was all the years before they ever came into my life, they can't love their own version of me that they conjured and attempted to mould me into.

And secondly and most importantly I learnt that just because I really wanted something to work, and just because I decided something was meant for me, that doesn't mean it's in fact meant for me.

Some people grow into love, some people stumble into it accidentally, some people fall hard and fast ... I was one that fell hard and fast in love with a guy I thought I was going to marry one day.

Teenage love affairs seem so trivial to the average human being in a country with hundreds of murders a year and international earthquakes that displace millions.

But to a teen, its just like Alicia Keys said, It's a matter of extreme importance, my first teenage love affair.

When we were together I felt like my world was balanced, like I found the ying to my yang. This guy understood me, he cared about me, and he told me he loved me. But then things changed.

This person who I thought loved me for me, and appreciated me, cherished me, well he started displaying qualities and making demands that were contrary to his typical traits.

We were in a long distance relationship and of course like any relationship we had our little issues, however little by little, my friends we growing fewer in numbers, and would complain about me changing and I didn't realize it.

To satisfy this guy's wishes and curb his insecurities I gave up hanging out with my friends and doing things I liked to do.

I became that girl who was known only as that guy's girlfriend, the girl who was 'on serious lockdown' and I would hear everyday as I walked right pass my friends at our liming spot in school:

"Whey he have needles in u from quite Canada, he rel good" and "Girl u really know what you doing? You doing this for him, how you know he doing de same for you.?"

Older friends warned me countless times, but I never listened, why should I, my relationship was stable and "better than that"... or so I thought.

Eventually he started blowing me off. I started to complain about it, and I guess I knew things were over when in light conversation he told me he could get over me in a week if we broke up.

He never knew, but I cried myself to sleep hearing him say that.

Imagine loving one person so much, you devote your life to them, you cant fathom the thought of breaking up much less moving on, and this person tells you they can move on in a week.

Those words ripped me apart on the inside, and for two months after that, I stuck with it, I soldiered on, I cried buckets loads of tears, said thousands of prayers for us, wished on every falling star, even though I knew it was just a Liat plane - my apartment is relatively close to the airport.

Eventually this guy broke up with me.

I was devastated.

I was so petrified at the reality I had to face. For days I pretended it was all a dream, I literally slept my days away. I was at a standstill in my life.

Here I was left with absolutely nothing emotionally. I gave him everything but the flesh off my bones. In this scary new world we live in people think sex is of no importance to teenagers its just a way to have fun, and virginity is a forgotten term.

But its far from that for a lot of people, I am living proof. This person was my first. I grew with values and morals, grew up thinking I would marry my first, have kids and live happily ever after.

Well that didn't happen, he broke up with me and moved on and I was left feeling like I made the biggest mistake of my life, and feeling like a lost puppy.

How do I face another day of life knowing that things weren't going to work out the way they were supposed to? That's the question I asked myself everyday.

But the other night I stumbled upon a show on BET Tiny and Toya, a reality show following the lives of the ex-wife of  Lil' Wayne and the girlfriend of T.I.

Something in one of the episodes hit me.

Toya, Weezy's ex, was talking to a relationships expert and he said to her:

"When you determine that it's a finished thing, you gonna cry about it, be disappointed about it ... but then you're gonna move on from it."

I know somehow someday I will move on, and I won't feel like a part of me is still missing, and I'll look back and be grateful for these lessons learnt, and this heartbreak.

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