"...start at the beginning, finish
at the end, and tell everything in
between." - Cameron Diaz
When I first began working, so many things were new to me. The responsibility, the level of respect, the nods of approval. But the newest of all these things, like I've said time and time again, was the cruelty behind the whole business.
The incident with Shoes made me realise that not only was my place not secure in the firm I worked at, but I was not significant enough to even matter. Who would care about little Feisty if tomorrow the whole building collapsed?
They would probably brew up some tale to blame me for all their misfortunes. And so, after Shoes left I formulated a plan within my mind. It wasn't very complex: I had to resign.
My decision to resign wasn't a fleeting one. It had been on my mind even before Shoes' sacking ... oops, I mean "resignation". I didn't feel supported or appreciated and I couldn't work under my superiors. I truly believed that one of them had stumbled upon his diploma one day while he was shopping for his clown costume. Shoes' firing just drove the nail right through my palm.
So one afternoon, without warning, I typed the briefest, coldest resignation letter I could muster, gave one to my supervisor, and put two on my bosses' desks informing them that within a months' time, I would no longer be under their dictatorship employment.
I returned to my cubicle with a satisfied feeling. I knew what I had done was right. So what if I would be out of work? I was leaving with my dignity in tact and I was standing up for what I KNEW was right.
Why would I allow my employers make me feel insignificant? Yes, I was working for them but that was precisely the point. I was working FOR them. I was helping them build their business, I was offering my talents and services to them yet I was being treated like a small wrench: often overlooked and completely useless.
My work mattered — matters — to me. I was proud of my accomplishments within the past year. I had entered a field that I had absolutely no experience in and had done alright for myself yet at the end of the day, the people collecting the praise for my backbreaking offering were the mule drivers who were as clueless as broken chess pieces.
The next morning Boss1 called me up to his office. "Fiesty! So I came in this morning and found a resignation letter on my desk." I nodded politely but said nothing. "Cougar (that's my ex-supervisor's alias, in case you're wondering. And yes, it's a very literal alias) told me you want to go on to do more editorial writing than what you're doing here."
"To be honest, that's not really the reason," I countered matter-of-factly. "I just told Cougar that." His face changed instantly.
"What is the reason then?"
I shrugged. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells." Boss1's expression was one of complete shock. I quite liked seeing him look like that. "I feel like I don't have the support of my superiors and that if tomorrow I made a simple mistake, you would choose one of our clients' sides over mine.
When I first came here I thought we were a family; one team. Everyone had to work hand in hand. Now I just feel like if I'm working somewhere where none of my work is acknowledged."
"But Fiesty, you know that is not the case with you! When we hired you, you weren't experienced but we took a chance on you. We have difficult clients but we would never choose them over you."
I raised an eyebrow. "What happened to Shoes was no secret," I said waspishly. "Everyone knows that she had a difficult client and at the end of the day the you chose them over her."
"Yes, that is true but you have to understand one thing about Shoes. I don't think she was up to the task..." Boss1 went on to give me a litany, trying to justify the disgraceful way in which they let go of Shoes.
His explanations fell on deaf ears. The only reason he was trying to convince me to stay was because he knew it would look bad that one of his workers was resigning, NOT being fired.
"I'll give you some time to think about it," he told me, getting up and shaking my hand to signify the end of our meeting.
There's nothing to think about, I thought to myself.
Yes, it was hard to leave the office I worked at, mainly because of some of the great friends I had made. But in the end I knew it was the best decision. It's so easy for adults to assume as teenagers we make foolish choices and that our decisions are driven by selfishness and stupid thinking.
What they never realise is that in our deepest, most darkest place, we all know what we truly want. Whether it's study medicine for twelve years or swim in the beaches of the South of France, each and every one of us has a dream that needs to be fulfilled.
And my dreams are only just starting to take shape. And I truly believe the decision I made to resign for MY beliefs sets me apart from all the adults out there who go to work day to day, hating what they do and not taking the steps to change it, with their 1HR for lunch being their only escape.
Signing off for now,
Fiesty G.
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