The truth is ah chick can trip. No lie. And the thing is, dey cud trip rel bad after you break up with them.

I know ah fella who break up with a girl from Compre because he needed to concentrate on exams.

He told his parents, he say "Mom, pops, I'm getting my priorities in ah gear so no distractions for me until after CAPE."

Sounds noble right? Well, it is.

Ah mean I find de man move rel responsible dey. Anyway, you know dat girl tun on de man jes so after dat.

And this is the reason I have to keep writing lads. Cuz some chicks get crazy and you'll just never see it coming son, you'll never see it coming. (*sniff*).

Well Damian didn't know what hit him. Ah evening my boy lock on to CrimeWatch to see Ian Alleyne calling he name on TV6.

Ian: Director, next call

Damian ex: Am, hello, dis is Ian Alleyne?

Ian: Yes ma'am you go ahead. What's the problem? Talk to me.

Damian ex: Am, hello, dis is Ian Alleyne?

Ian: Yes ma'am, I'm hearing you, you just talk to me and everything will be alright.

Damian ex: Well, Mr. Alleyne, ah calling to report ah crime.

Ian: What crime ma'am? Talk to me. Everything will be alright.

Damian ex: Well, Mr. Alleyne, ah calling bout muh ex boyfriend Damian from QRC. Mr. Alleyne, he does teef box lunch, Mr Alleyne. Especially when dey send curry. Mr. Alleyne, when I go home by he, ah does see box lunch stack up in de fridge.

Ian: Whaaaattttt?? Are you serious? Oh my God! Look what this country coming to. And de Minister of Education sitting down in he office doing what? Eh? Doing What? Well listen, you see what this young woman going thru...

Damian ex: Mr. Alleyne yuh still dey?

Ian: Yes ma'am you hold on....Director, take her number off the air for meh please Di-DIRECTOR? YOU LISTENING TO ME? OH GOSH, MY DIRECTOR, HMM, WELL, I TELL YOU, I HAVE AH DIRECTOR HERE, HMMM, I TELL YOU....

Anyway, you see what this young woman going thru? Mr. Damian from QRC, look at me (camera zooms in on Ian's eyes). Mr. Damian from QRC, yes you, I'm coming for you. My name is Ian Alleyne and hmm, boy, hmm, leh me tell yuh eh, hmm, I will find you...Teefing people box lunch? I will find you...The hunt is on...yuh eh know who yuh playing with.

Fellas, take my word for it, dat is the lengths some chicks will go to. Once the relationship is over it's like something comes over them.

Now guys, I am putting it to you that it's very possible to know up front if the girl you are with now, has the potential to be a crazy ex-girlfriend.

Dude, you have to look for the signs.

You will be quick to laugh at Damian scene but if you don't pay attention the same thing of worst could happen to you.

The question is this: Have you given your chick the CAB Test?

OK, the CAB —Crazy After Breakup -Test is ah test every man should conduct on his girl over the first three months of the relationship.

Do it right and fella, you will save yourself the kind of embarrassment Damian suffered at the hands of his ex.

Treat it casually and don't do this test and dude, St. Ann's Hospital won't want you there.

Now fellas, dis is true thing eh, chicks who act crazy after a breakup are known to emit the looney signals early on.

Say yuh limin with yuh girl in MovieTowne and yuh make out one of yuh girlfriends from lessons and yuh turn yuh head to make sure is the right person.

Boom bang, time yuh turn back around, yuh girlfren sitting down on the bench crying.

Now this is the first part of the CAB Test. You HAVE to ask her one simple question: Shanice, why are you crying?

Fella, do NOT be distracted once you ask that question. Your job is to listen for the answer. If she says those three words "I" "Don't" "Know" muh boy you must end the relationship right on the spot even if yuh done buy tickets.

Muh boy I doh care what show yuh wanted to see. End that relationship immediately if dah girl say she doh know why she crying.

Too often lads, this is a common trait among chicks who go wack after the breakup. They simply never know why.

Ah pardner ah mine from Scarborough Sec tell meh he and he girl fall out on the boat heading to Trinidad and the girl start to cry. He say Doc I ask her why she was crying and in between loud sobs she say she doh know why she crying.

He say Doc next thing I know dah girl climb up on the front ah de ferry with she hand spread out singing the song from Titanic.

Fellas, watch out for the outpouring of emotion for no logical reason. That's the point ah making.

The other part of the CAB Test is to carefully consider how your girl deals with anger.

Say you and yuh girl walking around the Queen's Park Savannah having a nice talk and ping-ping yuh get ah text.

Fella, what yuh girl does normally do? Does she allow you to tell her you just got a text or does it normally sound something like...

"Who texting you dis hour? Dey schupid ah wah?"

Muh boy, listen, de chick might be sahhhweeeettttt too bad but often it's the good-looking ones that does trip rel fast.

It have ah man from Pres Sando tell meh when he girl get vex she does pinch him.

He forget to call...PINCH

She girlfriend spot him talking to a chick in lessons...PINCH

He write on a girl wall on FB....PINCH

First time he voting, he vote PNM.....PINCH

Eh allyuh think I joking? I serious yo.

I telling allyuh to watch for the signs cuz yuh jes never know. Dem girls who reading this right now know I talking sense. Dey take liberties as your girlfriend that they ought not to take and God knows what will happen if you don't nip this in the bud lads.

Note: I said nip it in the bud. Not the butt. NO TOUCHING...lol...

Just remember, once they go wack, they never come back. I gone.

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (3)

Subscribe to this comment's feed