Why you should never add your Ex as a Facebook friend

Fellas, some  girls doh handle rejection good at all. Dey sad. And ah warning allyuh jed. Is best yuh listen to meh now cuz right now ah book up until November 2012 with a set ah fellas trying to get muh help nah.

Is not soo much dat ah have to counsel ah whole heap ah fellas eh but some boy soo sad inno, one counselling session does last 3-4 months depending on de school he going to and how good he is in English nah. Plus I is ah man ha to make time for muh girl too cuz how it go look if The Love Doc lady complainin? (dah go be like Bas gettin kick out he own party) Men like me have a rep to protect lads.

Anyway, as ah was sayin pal. Some chicks doh handle de rejection ting nice inno. So ah taking this time to kinda help allyuh fellas navigate the rough waters that these good looking-pretend-dey-is-mermaid-when-dem-is-shark chicks does be swimming in.

Fellas, first ting. Ah know allyuh hear bout making a TACK-BACK but ah sure allyuh yutes never hear bout de TECH-BACK?

See wha ah talking about. Look ah ask dat question and not a single guy could say he know about de tech-back. Fail.

Boy, de tech-back is when a girl use technology to get back at you after you reject her. Daz wha end up happening to muh boy David from El Do blue. De man ex hit him a tech-back on Facebook. What? Confused? Sigh. Aite let me see if I can help you out lad.

Dude, take it from ah man of my reputation and registration (as in vehicle registraton “LD 1” as in Love Doc 1— if yuh din already know), dude, some girls are sneaky on the tech side of life.

You see dah chick David was with? Yep. Well, ah not being mean, cuz I always say real men don’t ever say mean things about women (when they’re within earshot) but let’s just say this girl wasn’t no bess ting. Put it this way, de girl used to look lil marasmee. As in dry-ish. Plus, she shape like ah upside down swizel stick. Signs of life in de face and then nothing all de way down. Feel meh? Well, yeh.

Anyway, true story. David din realize what he do de oda day when he add dat girl as a friend on Facebook and unfortunately for him, she accept it.

De man say like de girl was waiting for the friend request. He say one second after he hit “Send” he see notification come up “Kay-Marie has accepted blah blah”.

Now by this time muh boy done lose focus eh. What yuh think happen? Yep. He let he guard down and did the unthinkable. He start going thru her pics. All 167 of them, carefully arranged in 4 albums.

If de fella was thinking fast he would have realized something wasn’t right just by looking at the names of Kay-Marie’s photo albums.
— “Me after de dump”
— “Getting the 6-pack”
— “Shopping for shorts in New York with Mom”
— “Photoshoot for Swimsuit Ad”

Allyuh see what I talking bout. Yuh telling me dat normal? Yuh telling me dat it normal for a girl who shape like ah upside down swizel stick to be modelling swimsuit one year later? Yuh telling me it normal that a chick from Arima Compre who had a belly shape like ah letter ‘B’ now have a 6-pack.

Nah.

I ha better sense dan dat lads and after doing my investigations I realized I had seen this very thing before.

Chicks who get dumped use the rejection to their advantage. Dey hittin’ the gym, the mall, and they doing the ‘work-dat-body-work-dat-body’ thing. And for what?

Just to get back at their ex-boyfriends.

You see what society has come to?

You see why I voting UNC?  Fellas, we need CHAYNGE. Dese chicks can be so heartless. Like dem doh realize guys are PEEEP-ULL too.

Ah girl eh ha nuttin’ to do wid sheself dan to spend ah inordinate amount ah time on ah personal makeover? Just so she could look bess?

Just so she could take pics of, her, (OMG) — fine, sweet, perfect, pretty self...and put up on facebook?

Guys, this is what they do. Fellas is a trap.

Daz wha David din realize in time and he play farse and say he responding to Friend Suggestion.

She was waiting for him to do that for months.

She’d been to New York with her mom only six weeks after the breakup (well, the Dump) and her mom gave her that most hated “show-that-boy-he-is-not-your-entire-world-speech.”

Sadly, it worked.

And my girl went shopping for new threads. We talking level bess clothes.

Um, er, yeh fellas daz how it does go yuh know. So ah warning allyuh this month. NEVER. EVER. NEVER. EVER. NEVER ADD YOUR EX AS A FACEBOOK FRIEND!

What do you know of this girl once you’ve dumped her lads?

She may well be just waiting on your good-for-nuttin-PNM-tail to launch her revenge. And David fell for it. Without thinking on his feet like Messi in the six-yard box, he headed straight for her photos.

Fellas, imagine you dump ah chick and one year later you going through her pics on Facebook and your heart beating faster than Jack Warner speech. Yuh mouth open like yuh ketchin fly and all you thinking is O-M-G-W-H-A-T-D-I-D-I-D-O?

It happens guys. This is the tech-back executed to perfection. Girls using technology for the wrong thing. Meant to pay wretched men like David back for dumping  her and not giving her the chance to really blossom.

Be warned guys. Some chicks won’t forget. You will simply motivate them to step up their game and because you weren’t patient, they will be seeking revenge at all costs.

And Facebook, once thought to be every guy’s dream network, now does you a disservice. Without warning, your former swizel stick making Halle Berry look like Oprah. De girl looking GOOOD. Not good eh. GOOOD. The extra O is for “Oh” God, I wish I could have her back. Careful fellas. Be patient! Let her bloom!

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