Beware! Her name is Cobo-Ann

Aite fellas, this month we dealing with the girl who a lil dangerous. She not exactly a stalker. She's worst. This chick means that come hell or high water or no water from WASA, she makin' you her boyfriend and there's nothing you can do about it.

Understand wha ah saying — the girl is out to get you pardner — she not joking. And she doh care if yuh have a girlfriend.

These chicks are vultures. They make a Beetham 'cobo' look like ah hummin' bird. They are the real 'coboze' and their prey is almost always, ah next girl man.

Daz you muh boy.

Cobo-Ann spot yuh ah day in lessons and decide right dey, de teacher too boring, so she go focus all she attention on you. She hit yuh one sweet eye but yuh wasn't too sure, so yuh kinda blush and pretend yuh didn't see it.

Bam, she hit yuh ah next sweet eye. Two more sweet eye and yuh cud get diabetes.

By this time yuh saying to yuhself, "nah, jed, dat cyah be a mistake jed....is jus so dah girl on me jed? Nah!"

This is usually de line fellas does have running through dey mind once the Cobo-Anns of this world surface.

Let's admit it guys. When we get dah vibes from ah chick who tracking we, we all do the same thing: Ack like we real surprised about it, even worried, but on the inside we likin weself. We does hit dem ah brain smile — daz when yuh likin yuhself in yuh mind but yuh face eh showing no emotion nah.

Guys, nothing wrong with feeling great about all this attention. Especially since most ah de time Cobo-Ann does look goooood. Ah mean, de girl wouldn't be no real vulture if she ain't looking bess. You ever see ah skinny cobo on the Beetham?

Trust me, if ah girl out to get yuh lad, first ting she does do is make sure she looking healthy. She done know she doh stand ah chance to take you away from your VERY HOT girlfriend.

So to win dah bet, my girl going and work yuh over with hotness. May God have mercy on us all.

Now once Cobo-Ann fix her mix and looking bess it won't help if you're not seeing her. So her next step? Allow me to explain.
She going and make sure yuh see her ALL de time. Yep. Dah girl go be more present than Santa Raindear.

Think about it nah. She's saying to herself, "Hmmm, I'll look hot then I'll make sure he always sees me." (Diabolical laugh)

Again, guys, yuh hadda be careful. It's a dangerous world out dey. Nutritional experts warning secondary school fellas to watch what they eat. So when yuh see a girl who in everything like salt, dat cyah be good for de body.

Most ah de time, a Cobo girl like Cobo-Ann next move go be conversation. She already lookin' bess so her ting now is to get you in ah talk.

How many times have I warned you fellas about too much talk? Up to last week ah tell ah boy from South East Port-of-Spain. Ah fella named Kevon. Ah say boy if yuh talk to ah Cobo yuh will get ah bobo.

De boy din understand the heights I was on. He say Love Doc wah yuh mean by dat?

Ah say boy, I know rel fellas who end up in ah talk with a Cobo girl and when dey girlfren find out, de slap dem get across dey face leave ah bobo on de spot.

Fellas, just like ah warn Kevon, ah warning allyuh: when ah girl get horn, dem slap does leave ah bobo and it doh heal. Yuh call dat ah Cobo-Bobo and anytime yuh see ah fella with a bobo on he face is brace he get from he girl.

Doh make sense even trying to explain to your girlfriend how yuh get trap by ah Cobo girl. She doh want to hear it. Yuh slap on speed dial.
—Wait for it.
—Wait for it. Wait —

"Oh gorm Desi Ann, yuh go hit meh so hard girl? Sniff, sniff. Steups. Ah eh—

WHACKS!

(Yuh get another one). Two big red spot on your cheeks. Like you from Wonderland .

Anyway, fellas, I firmly believe that one way to avoid these kinds of girls is to avoid de talk. What you asking her about lessons homework for? Six ah yuh pardners in de same lessons. Wham? Dem cyah help yuh?

I know wha is your scene yuh know: Is talk yuh like.

You're already trapped muh boy. Once these chicks get yuh to look yuh in trouble. Cobo-Ann's mission isn't complete until you're trapped fellas. So when yuh go lessons is best yuh wear ah eye-patch and say this line 14 times before every class:

Once ah look ah go get hook
Once ah look ah go get hook
Once ah look ah go get hook

Nice.

Anyway, so after thinking about this for a few weeks, I've come up with the industry best-practice for dealing with ah Cobo girl. Hear me out. It's a lot to contend with but it works. It's guaranteed to work against any kinda vulture-vixen. South-Cobo: it go wuk. East-west corridor Cobo: it go wuk. (In my best Machel voice) Anybody from La Horquetta? It wukking on dem girlz up dey too. Here's what you should do. Ready for it?

RUN.

As in GIT.

As in give dah girl what yuh does call ah Hurry Duck.

Now leh me explain de Hurry Duck and how and when it should be implemented.

The Hurry Duck have nothing to do with channa. Daz "Curry" Duck. We talking bout de Hurry Duck. Faddah, focus nah boy!

The Hurry Duck is a way of ducking a girl you suspect is a vulture — ah Cobo girl who's on a mission to get you.

It's easy to do it. Whenever you spot this chick you do ah stutter step with your right foot. Then pivot to your left foot. Then adopt a RTS - the Richard Thompson Stance.

Then Run.

You must do this the second you spot Cobo-Ann. If yuh cud tell yuh pardners what she was wearing. Yuh Fail. Yuh take too long. Ah say de second yuh spot de chick yuh must git.

Daz the best way to preserving what you have with your girlfriend. One more thing, Cobo-Ann like to show up just when you and yuh girl going thru a rough patch. So think. And Run. Bless.

P.S. Allyuh girls who reading this, oh gorm girl. This is The Guy Column lol. Anyway, your fave girl column "Dumped on Tuesday" is now exclusively online at http://www.thestudentpressdigital.com/advice.html. Look out for the latest one. Laterz.

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