Wuz de scene girls? Hear nah, this topic rel important so pay very close attention. It bothers me that for years now ah frightening trend is emerging: girls tracking de fellas dey interested in. Is it right? Ah talking bout level advances. Ah fella in form two tell me he girl was making so much advances, she end up doing de two units ah CAPE in form three. Um, no.

Any girl tracking ah fella ought to repent to God for allowing herself to idolize track star Richard Thompson so much. It's unhealthy. One fella tell me how de day Richard come second in dat Olympic race seven girl track him dat same week. He say he get more track than de National Stadium.

And these chicks try to hide it sometimes. Disguising it in all kinda way. Using My Lime free calls for example:

Newsflash: Boys need sleep too. Yuh talking since 10 pm. It's now half-six. Gosh girl, yuh will make bmobile end de promotion and everybody will suffer.

And de classic:

"You know ah fella name Marvin." (Do you know any fella named Marvin??)

Other chicks does just be buzzing rong ah fella scene all de time. Football, yuh dey; mall, yuh dey; movies, yuh dey. And yuh mission is one scene the whole time: get him to notice me.

Some girls feel dem is Humpty Dumpty sister - always on a man wall - on facebook. De boy put up some inside joke on he wall dat only he and he pardners know about but you Lol-ing de ting.

Sigh. Allow me to go on record and say I don't think any self-respecting girl reading The Student Press should track any fella. Dat downright bad for business. Here's why:

In a nutshell if you go after a guy you're accomplishing three things: 1) he loses interest in you, 2) he loses respect for you, and 3) you're relinquishing control of the situation.

In the first instance fellas are wired for such things as competition and pursuit. When you chicks ups and start tracking ah fella what yuh doing is assuming the role of the guy. You're removing a very important element from the whole relationship — a guy's inherent desire and need to pursue and conquer a prize.

Why do you think fellas take sports so seriously? Why do you think your father is so passionate about his work? It's about conquering a prize, whether it's the opposing team on game day or rising to the top of the corporate ladder.

Fellas need this pursuit in relationships. If and when he wins this prize he is better for it. He treasures it because he staked a lot on its acquisition. Depending on the chick in question he may very well have staked his life on it.

I personally know ah fella from QRC who liked this chick so much he would sneak around to see her. Her parents opposed the relationship. Her brothers own five pitbulls.

But dat boy didn't care. He liked her and although he tried to ignore her he just couldn't.

Well, eventually they graduated to UWI and her parents came around and he values her now more than his iPhone, his pardners, more than his car. Ah nex girl will find it difficult to get him to dump her.

Kinda like firing a teacher. It's almost impossible. Wanna know why? Simple. It costs him a lot.

Why do some girls interfere in this process? Jes ack normal. He will love you for it.

Let's explore this some more.

Three words: Fellas. Like. Girls. You start doing what fellas are supposed to do he's thinking well, she looks like a girl, but maybe she's not really a girl. Or he says, hmmm, well, lucky me...And the fellas who like deyself when girls come after dem, most ah dem on ah ego trip and have no good intentions.

Ah go make it rel clear now:

You is not to be in no maxi 8 o'clock in the night talking about you went up by Kevon. Kevon home playing videogame. If he lose he life he have three more before dat game done. You only have one. Stay in yuh house and if Kevon likes you more than his game he would put the joystick down and call you. Nice, we going somewhere.

Doh be putting yuhself in place hoping when de boy pass he go make yuh out. Chances are he done spot you long time and he find yuh size 11 shoes unsexy. Be on your way and hopefully it have a fella wearing size 13 waiting rong de bend.

Now, if he didn't call it's because he doesn't want to. My Lime is your best friend. Call ah girlfren if yuh lonely. De minute yuh call dat fella here's what you're saying:

"Steups, I doh tink I go get any fella nah. All my frend and dem ha fellas buzzing rong like bee and I does just bee by myself all de time. I feel I go bee lonely my whole life. And I doh know if iz because I in 5Bee dat me eh ha no boyfriend..."

Um, not good at all. Fellas will bee taking advantage of you if you don't watch that vibe.

Now let me give you the skills to pay the bills ladies. Say this to yourself 14.5 times every evening when you reach home from school and you will see results in 2 weeks guaranteed.

"I must not track. I am not an athlete. A cockroach can run faster than me."

Above all, make sure you say this BEFORE taking your shoes off. Why? Ah honestly cyah answer dat. But it works.

Pause de Keri Hilson and listen to some calypso icons like Shadow who addressed the contempt many fellas feel when girls track them and not the other way around. Remember that song?

Ah young gyul,
Ask for my opinion (oh yeah...)
About ah fella,
She want to make she mister
Yuh track him? Yes
Yuh mark him? Yes
He have ah girlfren? Yes
Yuh call him weekend? Yes

Yuh lookin' for scorn
Plenty, plenty scorn gyul
Yuh lookin' for scorn
Plenty, plenty scorn gyul

Why you track de fella?
You is not ah mister?
You out tracking whole day
And he thinkin' no way

Yuh lookin for scorn
Plenty, plenty scorn gyul
Yuh lookin for scorn
Yuh bound to get scorn gyul

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