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Tips from the Dance Off
It's amazing how God never leaves fellas without hope in this cruel world of beautiful girls, exciting Coca-Cola InterCol matches and the beautiful girls who attend these matches. Cruel. Indeed.
But in spite of these pressures, the secondary school lad has God on his side and He never leaves us nor forsakes us. He understands the tough situations we find ourselves in: parents who have a nagging gene, teachers who know everything but can't send ah text message and beautiful girls who we love but simply can't understand.
And so God uses whomever and whatever He can to teach us, to help us members of the esteemed Boyz Club Inc on which I, The Love Doc, have held the post of president unopposed from inception. Fellas, good news, God can even use a TV show to help yuh out and guess what? He did.
It's called Bmobile Dance-Off. I don't know about you guys but I learnt so much. If you guys are as focussed as I have pleading with you to be, you too will have picked up on the vital lessons from this dance competition.
Like, lesson number one from Bmobile Dance-Off: Your girlfriend's girl friends matter. Guys, trust ah man with experience on this one. Every girl who has her eyes on a fella is on a secret mission to see whether you will advance to the next round or not and pardner doh get tie up like celery, is she frens deciding whether you go forward or not.
So wait nah, you was thinkin' all this time dah is only dem mad people who cyah dance who does get vote off. No lad. My God, what is wrong with you?
It is common knowledge that if when you asked her to be your girlfriend and she said "yes" it's because her frens voted for you. That's why ah always say to fellas, make sure you're scoring major points with the friends.
Why you think TSTT call de ting My Lime. Fella dem girls does be up in de night like owl trying to determine if yuh sour-or if yuh schweeet. And God help yuh if dey not feeling yuh. Yuh getting dumped by text message. Sarah texting Jamie Lee who texting Jamilah who texting Rayann and all ah dem jes typing three letters NFH (Not Feeling Him) and daz it for you pardner: yuh out.
Whenever you spot a chick you like don't forget to zoom in on two or three of her closest pals and come good eh. Nothing fishy. Jes ack normal and engage, engage, engage them in mature conversation which YOU should initiate. Once you find common ground with her friends, be the perfect gentleman and trust meh dan, yuh on de inside for sure.
Ah next thing. Dance-Off reminds us to be yourself. Guys, this is crucial or a miserable relationship will be your portion in life. Sadly, you will either lose your girl or you just won't get one if you don't learn now how to ack normal.
Think about those contestants who we all knew could not dance to save their lives. De woman who was scanting and looking for cockroach to kill, de fella who timing off by 24 hours and he shoe fall off. De girl who thought she was Beyonce when she should Be On a Scale.
Sigh. Lads, these peeps all taught us an important lesson. I call it core skills. Every fella should know his core skills and if dancing is not one of them, for the love of God man, doh dance nah. Why yuh think every Trini does learn how to "chip". Daz in case yuh ha two left foot.
Fella, yuh core skills might be academics, sport, or some other area where you have real talent. Now some fellas does get tie up eh. By core skills me eh talking bout how yuh cud dig yuh nose with yuh big toe eh. Oh geeeed man. Ah not talking bout how some ah allyuh have a degree in Fartulence eh. Dat is not core skills. Dat shows yuh eh taking yuh pills. Gosh man.
No guys. I am talking about talent, something yuh good at dat doesn't smell bad. Like maths.
Now yuh might be a math whiz but in my many years I have seen so many math geniuses get it wrong by attempting to step to outside of their core skills.
Dan, you get ah "A" in Add Maths. Whey yuh doing in de people bazaar doing de Nuh Linga. Lad, yuh don't even know who Elephant Man is. Um, no.
Man if yuh go de bazaar is best yuh buy some cotton candy and chill with your girl but whatever you do, leave Nuh Linga alone star. When the time is right she will want that math brain to help her "solve her problems," if yuh, uh, know what ah mean.
I know ah girl from Naps named Janelle Alicia David who dump ah fella for dat same ting. Imagine de girl invite de boy to Naps lil session, de man is ah science student. Yuh know dat boy leave Diego and gone quite down south doing Frog Back in de people place.
Janelle say Doc, ah tryin to tell de boy dat dance ole and he not even doing it right. But he eh take she orn. Well yuh know he get vote off The Janelle Show dat same night. Don't do it lads. Stick with yuh core skills.
Now before ah go let meh make one thing clear fellas: learn to dance. Ah not asking yuh, ah telling yuh. There is an inner Bmobile Dance-Off Judge inside every single girl. You play brave and mash she left foot and see if yuh getting anything higher than ah "2". Here's my secret:
Nah come in a lil closer cuz is ah secret muh boy. Aite: Go in front de mirror, YouTube dem dance and practice. Men everywhere do it and guess what, those chicks don't know a thing.
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