For God's sake, give her some space

Fellas iz like dis eh, sometimes a girl is just not that into you and rejection is worse than if ah jelly fish sting yuh up Manzan. So how do you know if she's feeling you or not?

Well, remember all my lectures on this thing called interest level? You guys have to remember how to gauge interest level and you've got to remember the value of putting some space between you and your target girl.

So yuh gone out wit ah chick and everything went down real smooth. Somehow yuh manage to get her to go out with you again soon after.

Now you're confident that she's really into you so the next day you're calling her but she's not answering. Probably has her phone on silent and doesn't realize it, you think to yourself. So you call her again. And again. And again. Still, no answer.

Frustrated you look for her on Facebook and, great, she's online. Like a Trinity College fella rushing for ah empty small maxi in City Gate yuh type "hi" as quickly as you can.

Suddenly, green button tun gray and yuh start to cuss Facebook chat.

-How it's a wutless piece of junk and MSN soo much better.
-How yuh deleting yuh account once and for all cuz ah man cyah even chat we he girl when he want.
-How yuh hole-y under-ware better than dis chat software.

Pardner yuh cud stop throwing yuh man-trum now. Get over it. Wanna know what really happened? She simply went offline dude. She went offline immediately. Deliberately. Cuz she wanted to avoid yuh muh boy.

She saw you the minute you came online and when you said "hi" she said "bye". That's right fella. You didn't have her in the bag all along as you thought.

See, here's where you went wrong. First you got over-confident after just two dates with this chick. Two lime doh mean ah girl like yuh. Two lime mean juice (just add sugar and water).

You called her the very next day. What were you thinking son? Never call a girl within five days of going out with her. First, it is scientifically proven that every secondary schoolgirl misses a guy they really like within five days. Put another way, in five days, they're bound-to-must call yuh.

And fellas, that's the most important lesson here. Patience. Get them to call you. The minute you call, here's what you're really saying to this girl you say you like:

"Um, um, excuse, but um, Sherene, ah (tears want to come), um, ah really enjoy de lime yesterday and um, ah like yuh nah, and (tears almost there) um, ah go feel real good about muhself, if um, yuh like meh too nah (soft cry, like ah sob), cuz, um, ah eh really think ah go get ah nex girl nah (look, de man bawlin jed!) so if yuh cud just tell meh yuh like meh too nah..dat go make me feel, um, like people nah.

May the Good Lord have mercy on your soul lad.

There is a reason why I am The Love Doc and you aren't. I know these chicks. Here's how this scenario will play itself out. After you give that lame I'm-so-pathetic speech, girls being girls have a tendency to open up just one more time. For them, it's what I call The Great Double-Check. For you, well, wow, you're celebrating cuz you think you've won her over. Um, NO.

She's just thinking hmmm, let me check just one more time to see if there is anything about this boy I like. She already knows there is nothing.

She, like all girls, has the ability to know this within 9.58 seconds of meeting you. But you've tugged on her heart strings and God made her emotional. So she decides to look again. Another 9.58 seconds later and she's thinking "Yep, I was right all along. Ah not feeling dat boy at-ullah-tullah-at-all."

Guys, you will always know if a girl is into you. Always. Look for things like if she's adding you on Facebook and not the other way around. Look for the cute, "hey, what ya doin?" text messages with the smiley thingys. If you're chatting with her online look for plenty e-blushing (they do this expertly).

Look for the invitations to everything from her family's bar-b-que lime to football - Naps vs Benedict's. Oh and look at how she lets you interrupt her any and every time and doesn't complain once.

If ah girl send yuh ah text like - "Whappen boy, yuh eh see ah in confession wid de priest in meh church. What de hell yuh boddarin meh for jed?"- run for the hills.

Oh and here's a biggie, say you talked with her like just once today, look for her profile updates on Facebook. If you see something like - "Tanya-Marie is thinking about him again lolololol,"- you've scored.

If you see - "Tanya-Marie is wondering whey dem does come out," - you've bored.

So fellas, ah hope you're really learning the ropes here. I hope you learn from this sacred text The Guy Column but just in case you don't, I rewrote Busy Signal's song to help you memorize the basic principle of putting some space between you and your target girl.

By the way, yuh singing to the tune of Busy's Night Shift eh. Aite, ah listenin, lemme hear allyuh.

Ah gotta get me some space now
Some space now-ow
From this bess chick
Stay away from dis bess chick
Cuz if ah jus stay away
She goh be calling meh, yeah
Like she fran-tic,
Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (16)

Subscribe to this comment's feed