What to do when they all look good
Why are they all so dam sweet? Who is so cruel to have made all these fine girls and put them on two small islands like T&T? One boy to one girl, that's how you know it - but WHICH girl? They are all sooo fine.
Nobody understands you. Nobody feels your pain. Not quite. I for one, know how hard it is for any self-respecting fella to concentrate in this country. Two islands, smaller than a government pension, yet overflowing with beautiful girls. Iz like dey suddenly all brought out their "inner Beyonce".
"Trouble" with a capital T for you guys. What is a guy to do? Read on.
Thankfully, God in His goodness has delivered unto us men The Guy Column. All fellas reading this, can I get an Amen, Hallelujah?
Thank you.
All girls reading this, please repent for invading guy space and remember God is always watching you.
First, I will define this pandemic. In two words, "Global Warming". "Global Warming" occurs whenever you find too many hottt girls on a small strip of land surrounded by water.
Scientists say there is nothing to worry about except for the fact that a fella will have a hard time choosing a girl and will introduce all the bess girls he hangs out with as "meh fren." The word "girlfriend" will mean nothing to him as it implies he has settled; made up his mind and committed to channelling all his affection to one girl and not four as is usually the case with fellas who live in places where "Global Warming" is prevalent.
Fellas, the first thing you have to do is accept reality. Say this to yourself 25 1/2 times every morning
"Trini girls are gorgeous and there's nothing I can do about it!"
Let me break it down for you poor souls.
Yuh decide yuh go take yuh girl out for a lil dinner so yuh make a J Malone's lime for two. She's supposed to meet you at the mall and yuh put on yuh bess outfit cuz this chick is fly. On your way there you jump in a mall taxi, minding your own business. Just so, jus so, two sweeeetttttt girls enter the back seat next to you. One is really checking you out and you can't help but notice she's smiling at you. Yuh heart beating like cake mix but yuh trying to remember yuh "fren" dat yuh on yuh way to meet.
Yuh turning up on the inside. "Oh dear God dis girl sweet. Why I take this car boy? Steups."
But steups all yuh want, she still sweet. In fact, the more yuh steups is de sweeter the girl look.
At the end of it yuh frustrated. A broken young man in a cruel world where beautiful chicks abound.
Yuh reach de mall and you're a bit early. Out of nowhere, one hottttt waitress approaches you pretending she all about great customer service but ah yute of your experience, you smell the rat.
Under the guise of customer service, this chick is tracking you. And my God she seems a lil older than you too.
More fire.
"Can I show you to a table?" she says, smiling
Dam, as yuh move into a lil light (yuh no how dem place does be lil dark fuh de ambience nah) you notice her Angelina Jolie lips and yuh bounce yuh foot on ah table wid dah one.
It huttin' yuh but yuh cyah show pain now.
All this time you're trying to remind yourself you're only there to have dinner with the girl you really like. Remember her?
Listen, girls do an excellent job competing with each other. This means competition is pretty stiff in the area of dress, deportment etc and that's why every girl in this country looks great.
The only way to deal with this problem is to choose one girl by process of elimination. You guys have to do away with the "Daz meh fren" line. Essentially, yuh gonna have to commit.
More "fren", More fire. Daz yuh line for this one.
You can no longer judge based on looks alone cuz they are all looking great, so my advice is to start looking for character, attitude and goals she's set for herself etc.
- She ups and leave ah man facebook chat to go an eat dinner without saying something? Bad character!
- She and ah next girl bounce up in grad wearing de same dress and she tell people she had ah extra one and lend de girl cuz she was scruntin'. Bad character!
- She typed "Shenilee is ah #$%#* man-hater" as her profile status. Bad character!
- Yuh order a Burger King combo cuz yuh hungry to drop after football. Honey yuh want anything? No hon...then she grab yuh fries and eat all. Bad character!
- Her birthday comes around. She get ah bess perfume and ah card. Your birthday comes around yuh get ah "Please credit me" text. Bad character! (never track ah girl who doh have money on her phone.)
Tough work guys, but you were born for this. Let's commit to looking for something more than looks and when we find it ... let's commit.
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